She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
