I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
