I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Randomize
