I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
