no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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