he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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