I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
