the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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