I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
