He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
