They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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