I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
