Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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