Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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