does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
