If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
