My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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