I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
