i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
