i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
