tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No subtext here. People are naked.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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