I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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