Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
