Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
