Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
