we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
