I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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