Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
