she woke up with a sticky ear
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
