i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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