its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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