Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
