Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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