it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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