No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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