i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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