I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
