LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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