ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
