after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
