It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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