After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
