think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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