Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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