On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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