She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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