Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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