Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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