So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
