wat bout pragnant strippers??
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
