I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
